Again the eyes were wet today. No matter how much she tries to stop herself not to think about the past but still she breaks down & cry her heart out in silence. The word "Mother" can be defined & quoted in infinite ways. For a woman the stage of Motherhood is very crucial & enchanting. For nine months she hold a life within her & with bone breaking pain she gives birth to her child. The nine months time is crucial for the mother. She has to eat healthy, carry the weight all over & has to stay positive. And all these things are arranged by the father who takes care of the mother & fulfills the promises & the vows which he took on the wedding day. But life is not easy for a woman who has no one in her life, who has been abandoned & moreover has lost her baby during an accident while she was 4 months pregnant. All hopes & dreams came crashing through when Roxy was informed that her baby is no more. She was shattered. She tries to feel the baby bump which is not their anymore. Tears started trickling down from her eyes. When she was discharged from the hospital she straight away went to the church & with tears in her eyes she started arguing with the Lord. " I never complained when I was deprived of love from my parents, I never complained when my friends betrayed me, I never complained when my marriage broke, But today I need an explanation why you took away my baby? You knew that to be a mother was the only good news I ever had in my life but still you didn't felt sorry for me & decided to take away my happiness. I wanted to feel the soft heart beat of my baby, I wanted my baby to hold my hand through it's little fingers. I wanted to see my baby taking it's first step & referring me as Mommy. I wanted to feel the joy of giving birth. But that pain has been substituted by some other pain which can never be healed." saying this she left the church & from that day onwards Roxy's life changed. She was not the same person again. Just like a robot she managed her things & feelings. But deep inside she still is tender & caring. She loves going to the park, not because she loves the bright beautiful day, it's because of the kids & family coming there. She loves to see babies been carried by their parents, some of the toddlers are playing with their parents & are throwing their tantrums. She places herself on the park bench & tries to get a glimpse of the toddlers around. She hids her eyes with big sun-glasses so that no one notices the tears once she gets nostalgic. After an hour she leaves the park & visits the church where she speaks to her Lord, the only companion whom she had all through her life & prays for a bright future for all the kids out there.
It was near evening time when I went to the terrace to water the flower pots. I went to the terrace with my coffee mug & opened the gate. After watering the flower pots I decided to relax & enjoy the coffee. The winter evenings are a bit soothing for me. And whenever I am alone I get drowned in my thoughts & get nostalgic. Sometimes I do wish that someone can get to know what I want to convey or why I am acting so strange ? Some people have the tendency to judge others by their looks, verbal speech, behavior etc. No matter how good you do for them they will still be ungrateful. There has been many instances in my life where I was like that's it I am not going to be nice to them & will take revenge but the very next moment I put on the radio & listens to a song which makes me remember the happy old times just flushes the anger away & the very next moment I am weeping like a toddler. One does feels low when things are not in your favor, when people creates a false perception on their mind against you, when you have thousands of contacts in your phone-book but still no one calls or text to know whether you are alive or not. Yes, I have been through various instances of life where I have been shattered, exploited, betrayed & crushed. I had some people who promised to be in my happy & sad moments but to be honest I fail to remember any of them who fulfilled their promises. Once I had a face to face conversation with them they said that you are too emotional & sometimes you yourself don't take the first step to communicate. Indeed I was shocked. I was like if I don't go around mocking people, if I don't go to disco & party like them that doesn't mean I don't like to be with you. I never asked you to change for me then why do I need to follow the clauses to be you "FRIEND". When you wanted your needs to be fulfilled I did my best but when I just needed a shoulder to cry why did you ran away ? It's been quite some time sine I have been in touch with anyone. Rarely I go one the social site & upload any status. But still till date I remember each &
every individual in my prayer. I pray for their well-being, those who betrayed me I pray to the Lord to make them wise. with a deep breath I try to come out of the nostalgic feeling & try to get a glimpse of the street from my terrace. Lods of people roaming around. I see a group of people chatting, laughing, sharing hi5 to each other in a cafe coffee shop. It brings a light smile on my face & suddenly a tear trickles down from my left eye. I turned my face away & looked up at the evening where the North star was visible now. It was the only star visible at that point of time but later on it will be accompanied with the other twinkles as the night will grow on. With the same feeling & hope I close my eyes & wish that someday there will be good times & there will be an individual whom you don't have to explain anything, that person will be able to acknowledge your pain & sorrows through your eyes itself. strange but true ....
